Thursday, February 18, 2010

i always say that i am very positive about myself and my capabilities...
i believe in myself
i say yes
i try things
i put myself out there.
i think i am sure of myself and that i have a good sense of self.

so it surprised me yesterday
when i found myself
doubting my ability to take photos anymore.
feeling anxious and
not good enough.

i know what it was triggered by
i just don't know why i reacted so strongly.

i usually am pretty good at just shrugging
things off but this bothered me for most of the day.
it may just be that the euphoric high of doing something
new and receiving feedback and interest has altered
and that i need to adjust my own feelings...
i need to get back to doing it because i love it...
or not doing it.

and i can't imagine not doing it.

but maybe this is a natural progression,
maybe this is where i weed out the parts
i don't like, the sessions that don't excite me
and concentrate mainly on the ones that do.

or maybe.
this is also where i go back to the roots for me
regarding photography...the art side of it...
the ideas i originally had but did not act on
because i got suddenly so wrapped up in the
"business side" of it...

something to think about at 6:30 am.


Char said...

i think it's good to have those thoughts from time to time to keep us exciting and interested. i have found when i do that, i put the camera aside for a couple of days and not let myself pick it up. then, i only pick it up to photograph an aspect of the life...and then suddenly i find myself struggling to break free and run with it. maybe that's what you're yearning to do - to run.

Anonymous said...

These thoughts are ALL so normal and so good and leads to bigger and better things in our work.

I think the day we stop striving to do better, to push ourselves or to change the way we've been doing things is basically sighning our creative death certificate, kwim?


Karen said...

I think this happens often to those with an artistic bent--but if you persist in spite of it, great things will come!

Frances said...

Thanks so much for your lovely comment on my "If you know well you know..." post.
I would be honored if you did it too.
When I looked at the photo that accompanied this post the firs word that came to mind was meditation.
Take care

lissa said...

I feel a bit like you right now, some days, doubt and restless thoughts just swim inside my brain and wont' let go but I think it passes

I love your pics, I think you have talent but you can't judge by me

Christina said...

no no no! Don't even dream of doubting yourself...your photographs have just become astounding to me! They have evolved so much! You have such talent...

Nat said...

I think as we get to a certain level of comfort with something, it's normal to start to wonder if we are actually doing something well... it's that desire to go farther.

Hugs to you. I hope you'll share some art with us.

Relyn said...

My response when I read this was, "Don't quit! You can't! I love your work." I think we all doubt ourselves from time to time. And, I think we bring it to this place because we find the encouragement we need. I'm thinking of you, my friend. And loving your work.

liz elayne lamoreux said...

we sift through these thoughts and feelings and we find our way. yes. we find our way. thank you for sharing these thoughts and feelings (and reminding me i am not alone in my thoughts too).