Saturday, April 05, 2014

saturday and it's snowing again

in my corner of the world::

a little bit of snow but calling for warm temperatures the rest of the week
so i'm ok with that.

i posted this status on facebook last night

remember when you were a kid and you would just lay on your bedroom floor and listen to your mixed tapes really loud and sing along even though you really couldn't sing very well (or..at all) but you lived in the country so no one could hear you but your family and they loved you anyway...and it would get dark outside and instead of turning a light on, you would just watch the equalizer on the ghettoblaster light up...that's what i feel like doing tonight.

and i was completely surprised by the response it got...
and even more so...
that 90% of the likes were from girls.
did boys not sing along with the radio?

my girl did a "like for TBH" on facebook...
if you have teens or pre-teens, you will know that this means
like the status and get a response that starts with "to be honest"...

to be honest, i was not expecting a tbh back from her.
to be honest, the tbh i did get back almost made me cry.

Tbh; you're a weird, quirky, muppet/sesame street/dr seuss/smurf loving woman. You've given me some pretty cool qualities; wicked sarcasm, being able to be a hard ass when I need to, strength, a cynical sense of humor, and mega creativity. You've also given me some not so rad ones; like that whole weird person magnet thing, and getting myself into totally weird and awkward situations, but that usually makes for a good story afterwards so I suppose that's okay.  

 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

it's a blizzard out there...

well...so far they have called this one right...




40 to 50 cms to come...
hurricane force winds...
the tub is full of water in case the power goes out
and i have got a full case of diet coke.

one kid is playing playstation,
one is singing her heart out
joan jett fashion...
S is studying and now that i am done working from home for the day
i am thinking i might settle down
with some 
unabridged sylvia plath
or a journal and pen
and light a candle
even if we do still have power

and listen to wind rage outside the windows
 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Getting it done.

where have i been?



I have been getting it done.

I have tasks that I have been putting off for far too long
and it has
really
really
really
been weighing me down.

Over the past couple of weeks,
I have been working on those tasks,
breaking them down into smaller
bite sized chunks
and
forcing
myself
to get it done.

Every day I am a little closer to the end.
Every day I feel just a little bit lighter.

I am crossing things off my to do list...
I am trying to get headaches under control...
seeing my dr...scheduling physio...maybe a naturopath...acupunture...yoga...
something has got to give.
or i will.

So that's where I have been...
that and laying low while the lull from wedding photography
and editing is here...as soon enough, it will be full speed ahead again
and I will be back to logging many hours in front of the computer...

But for now, I'm content to catch up on some:
  • reading...after reading the goldfinch and being mildly unsatisfied with it, I picked up a lighter, quicker read next.  I read Divergent (which is pretty much a teen novel similar to Hunger Games) and could. not. put. it. down.  I am on the second in the series now...but starting to lose interest.
  • watching....i have started watching the Parenthood series and am kind of loving it.  I am on season one right now and I know I have watched some of these before but I am enjoying them all over again.  And even better is that I have kind of sucked my 18 year old daughter into watching them, too...it is nice to have something to watch with her that doesn't require me to either cover my eyes due to gore or to blush profusely due to crude sex jokes.  
  • coveting...these boots...do you see these boots?  i need these boots.  drool.
  • considering new hair....wishing i could afford a new look....



Saturday, March 01, 2014

the orange float

so...

thursday was a funny day.

i was supposed to meet a client at a local coffee shop
to deliver her wedding photo discs
at 7 pm.

i got home from work at 3:30
and thought i would play a quick game of candy crush
(sideline::is there any such thing as a QUICK game of candy crush? who am i trying to fool)
as i was playing, i started to get the feeling that the bottom
corner of the screen was funny, like i couldn't see it right...
i looked away from the game and noticed a bit of a spot
in my vision, passed it off thinking i must have looked at something bright
but then, seconds later, thought...no...i did not look at something bright.
please don't let this be a migraine aura.
please don't let this be a migraine aura.
which, of course, it was.
i quickly got some medication
fumbling with the cap because, by this time,
my vision was becoming really distorted
and then i went to bed and tried to breathe calmly
and remember what the doctor told me to do...
"just relax and enjoy the light show".
not so easy to do.

and then i got the headache.

luckily, it did not last as long as i feared
and i was ready to meet the client at 7:30.
i rush to the coffee shop and as i pull up,
i notice what looks like a gang of old-timers standing around
out front...
a girl with a nest of hair piled high up on top of her head,
wearing pajama pants tucked into her winter boots
is stomping around
yelling
someone give me an effing cigarette.
and i start to think that location may have been a bad choice.

i go inside and the place is packed...with more old timers
and more people in pajama pants and winter boots...
it is loud and chaotic and, maybe it is the headache medication
and remnants of the migraine, but i start to feel a little
twilight zone-ish...i come to this coffee shop all the time,
it is never like this.

my client messages and tells me she is running a few minutes late.
it's ok, i tell her...there are lots of entertaining characters around tonight.
then i regret the message, thinking she is not going to know what i'm talking about.

she comes in and i give her the discs.
she gets ready to leave but there are two men
wrestling
in between the two doors she needs to go through to get out.
she looks back at me with a helpless look
while one old guy calls out
"g'wan out, dear!  they're just wrasslin'!  they won't hurtcha!"
meanwhile, one man has the other in a chokehold.

she gets out and i send her a quick message
"my message about entertaining characters probably makes a lot more sense now, heheh"

i decide to order a coffee to go...
one of the children of the pajama clad party
orders after me...his mother comes over to see what he's doing...
i am about to smile at him
when he looks at his mother and says,
"if he ever brings my fucking coffee..."
i blink.
he's like 10.
his mother says "oh...here he comes now with your order" in an sing-song way...
the clerk is actually bringing me my coffee.
i avoid eye contact with angry child and hurry out to my car.

i have one more stop to make.
i have been instructed by the family at home to pick up 4 orders of fries from wendy's.
being the thoughtful wife that i am, i think i will get my husband a float...
he loves them.
the following conversation then occurs and i become certain that i AM in the twilight zone:
me:  do you have orange floats?
her:  yeah, they're not on the menu but we can still make 'em.  what kind d'ya want?
me:  an orange float
her:  what size?
me:  large
her:  what kind of pop do you want?
me:  (a little taken aback but not much)  oh...i'll have orange
her:  yeah...but what kind of pop do you want?
me:  (perplexed)  um...i'll have orange
her:  ok....but what kind of pop do you want?
me:  (at this point i start wondering if i am being dense...am i missing something here?  i am ordering an orange float...where could the problem be?  i even start to think that maybe i have ordered combos instead of just fries and she thinks i want pop with them...)  do you mean for in the float? i ask
her:  y-eah (starting to get snarky with me...really?  with me?), you can have any kind of pop you want in it
me:  (at this point, i start to laugh...because....really...it's so odd that it's become ridiculous and because i don't know what else i am supposed to do/say at this point) ummmm...but an orange float would just be orange pop and vanilla ice cream, right?  (i'm starting to second guess myself at this point...maybe it's made with orange ice cream and maybe you CAN put any kind of pop you want in it)
her:  uh...y-eah (this is said in the tone that also implies "you dumbass")
me:  i'll have orange pop then.

thursday
was a weird, weird day.

i should also mention here that then she rang the order in wrong and
said she always had trouble ringing in the floats but luckily tim (who looked
like he was about 6) was working and he knew how to do it.

and tim pipes up loudly to say "w-elllllll...it is pr-et-ty sim-ple"

weird.
weird.
day.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

#This Life {365 project}

 a photo a day
taken on my cell phone...
looking to find some balance in my life.



 and.....I am done editing!!  for this season :)

 the days are getting longer...

 dr phil and editing...

 there's a funny story behind this...

  he says happy heart day...

  a pug, a mom and a boy...

i heart saturdays...

Friday, February 14, 2014

a truth about today


This moment::

the sky a palette
of varying shades
of blues and fluffy whites
sunshine glitters on car windshields
and the white windmills keep
pulling at my focus
and tugging at my train of thought--
I am adrift in a hum of silence

Sunday, February 09, 2014

sunday best...and a bit of a rotten day....

feeling a little off this morning...
had a rough day yesterday
after a stressful morning
involving 3 am incoherent texts
and a bruise that should never have happened

it is hard to know where to step in
where to draw lines
what decisions are mine
and which ones are hers to make.

it is hard to separate my own past experiences
from hers,
i know that i am filtering what happened
to her
and mixing it up with old memories of how i felt
when it happened to me

and i can't do that.
this is not what happened to me.
this is what happened to her.
she is not me.
she is so much stronger and mouthier and sure of herself.
i was so quiet and apologetic and forgiving and passive.

i need to be here for her no matter what
but i can't make this decision for her.
i cannot tell her she can't see him anymore.
she is not me.
she will make better decisions than i did, i think.
but even i eventually had enough.
but each person has to decide
what
is enough
for them.

had my parents known, had they tried to step in,
it would have changed nothing.
i was determined that it was ok, that it was my fault,
that if i could just "be better"...
less whiny, less crying, less taking things to heart,
more organized, more fun, more aware of the triggers that might set him off...
then this wouldn't happen.
if i could "be better" things would get better.

but eventually,
it was enough.
but i had to figure that out in my own time.
anyway.
not what i meant to write here today.
:)

a little bit of sunday best...







Friday, February 07, 2014

friday i'm in love

this time with a list
and no links...
slapdash and quick and dirty...
well, not...dirty...heh.

post it notes
colored pens
cold diet coke in a can
bright yellow canola fields
geese flying overhead
flocks of tiny birds flying in formation
the smell of permanent markers
making someone laugh
trees
marshmallow bananas
lists
wonton soup
ice cream in a waffle cone
miniature toys
dollhouses
windmills
seaglass
swings
singing in the car
watching thunderstorms (but only if i'm in a car)
a good book to get lost in
retro vintage advertising
green life saver suckers
board games
blogs/inspiration/pinterest
free time to myself

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

stop.

cause sometimes
there are nights
when you feel like this...

sad for your sister-in-law
and realizing you never knew
how much she looked like her mom
until you saw the collection
of photos they had gathered
in celebration of her life...

worried about impending snow
and trip back to the halifax hospital
{where the snow is supposed to be the worst}
but you know he missed the last appointment, too
{because of a snowstorm}...

tired
quiet
lackluster and dull
cold
and void of any sparkle

i took that photo today
thinking that i was going to focus on red
this month...
but then, it ended up saying more to me than that.

maybe i just need to go to bed earlier.
with a book.
and a hot water bottle.

everything is always better in the morning.
:)

Sunday, February 02, 2014

Sunday Best

sunday best...
where i share some of my wedding photography...
this week included
comparing of tattoos
silver sparkle toms
and
reflections...
xo
you can find more here...








Saturday, February 01, 2014

#This Life (week 2)

a week in review 
of my photo-a-day project...
using my galaxy note 2 
and a couple of apps
and instagram
trying to find and make and keep balance in my life.








Friday, January 31, 2014

friday i'm in love...

in point form:

  • a coffee date tomorrow
  • less-than-freezing temps
  • the idea of slow cooker apple cinnamon oatmeal
  • both kids home for supper tonight
  • the dog sleeping tucked in behind me on the computer chair
  • mom phoned and said she liked the vine i made for her birthday "your father laughed and laughed and laughed"
  • blackberries and sunflower seeds in my salad
  • sunshine
  • this blog post...especially the advice from her father
  • a shirt dress that has been in my closet for months cause i never knew what to wear with it...paired with leggings and boots today...made me feel happy...
  • amazing...so amazing...breathtaking
  • finding tons and tons of yoga inspiration on Pinterest
  • and speaking of Pinterest...oh...i NEEEEEED these.
  • a sweet, sweet comment left by one of my favorite bloggers....thank you bridget!  xo

    and i am really not sure what is going on in these photos...except that i think they are funny...:)
Happy last day of January...we're getting there!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

sunday best...

I just watched a video by one of my favorite bloggers and artists...
the video was about her favorite blogging tips.

It made me start to think about my own little corner of the internet,
about this little blog that I have called home
for the past 8 or so years.
I have evolved a lot during the time I have been blogging
and I attribute a LOT of that
to the blog.

I doubt that I would have ever, ever gotten into photography,
especially to the degree that I have,
if not for this blog.

I started this blog in april of 2005...
i didn't even know what a blog was, really...
i had just wanted to comment on another blog
and had to have a blog account to do it 
(or so i thought, heh)

and so i wrote my first post...

initially the blog was called bloody hell.
obviously i was feeling some frustration in my life at that point, heehee.
we were trying to buy a house
while living in a house that had virtually no heat
and it was incredibly frustrating...
my kids were young,
i was running a home daycare,
i was without adult company for most of the time
and i was at my wits end.

so i wrote rants to collection agents 
and funny anecdotes about the kids...
but as i read other blogs,
i found that there was a WHOLE other world out there,
a world of other people LIKE me!
who liked to read what I liked to read,
who liked to make things and create things
and 
it was like a bolt of lightning
went off in my head
and exploded into pretty fireworks...

so I started doing new things...
card making, doodling, knitting, painting.
but my photos were HORRENDOUS.
embarrassing really when I look back on them now...
and then
i was back to being frustrated again.

so i bought a new camera
and started playing with it...
and eventually,
it no longer had anything to do with the 
knitting, the baking, the painting...
it was all about the photos.

and then i shot my first family session...
and then i shot my first wedding (both in 2009)
I had 6 weddings that first summer and last summer,
I shot 19 weddings and a number of family/engagement/commercial sessions
while working full time.
it has been busy.
like crazy busy.
but I feel like the little thing that brought me to this point,
this little blog,
has been neglected...
passed over for the instant gratification of my facebook photography page,
of instagram, of twitter feed that I am just learning how to navigate
(i had to google what MT meant today...i thought it might mean "me too", heehee)
so 
i want to get back to the blog.

and Alisa Burke talked about scheduling 
(which I used to do...haphazardly...remember poetry thursday?)
and, because I also struggle with the fact that I am not really sure how to 
tie the two things I love together (shooting weddings and my blog)
as I feel like they are two different areas of my life in one sense
but...not really...I am proud of what I do in a wedding
but I don't necessarily want to use my blog as a tool for creating more
photography business.  
I want my blog...this blog anyway...to remain a creative outlet for myself...
I am worried that if I am using it for the photo business, I will begin to censor myself.
There are other things I want to do beside photography...
I would like to write...{but I am terrified...that is a different story}

SOOOOO.
if you have stuck with me this far,
my long winded point is that i am going to try to get here more often,
for myself if nothing else...
and that maybe Sundays will become 
Sunday Best
where I can share some of my wedding photography...
and a place where I can look back and see how that is evolving as well.
it's all about moving forward.
one foot in front of the other...

And so...today's Sunday Best :)












Saturday, January 25, 2014

#ThisLife

I have been taking a photo-a-day
since Jan 1
with no expectations on myself.

They do not have to be perfect,
they do not even have to be pretty...
they just have to be a quick snapshot of my day,
a moment where i stop
and notice what is going on around me.

It has been a good exercise for me so far...
here are some of the recent snaps...


 i like that i have been using my phone
(which is always on me)
and using instagram
but i kind of regret that i started putting them on facebook
from the start.
because...i censor myself on facebook a little more than i do
on instagram and much more than i do here.
i feel like if you are on instagram,
you get it.
i feel more...judged...on facebook...
i am not sure why that it is,
but...
it is.
it is what it is.
and maybe because i know that this little blog is not overly read
and not by many that i actually "know"...
maybe that's the difference.

either way, i am enjoying the project so far...
:)