what i know right now

at this very moment
at this spotlight second
of time and space
and silent coursing energy
pulsing in my veins
is that i am happy.

i am truly effing amazingly full-to-the-brim
happy.

there was an article about me
in a local paper yesterday
and the response was mindblowing...
i was happy because i was able to
talk about my mom and dad in the article,
i was able to tell the story about my dad's windmill
and about how it was because of my parents
that my brothers and i
are ok
with being different.
it's ok.
in fact,
it's awesome.

and the fact that my husband
texted me
first thing in the morning
and told me that he
had to bite back tears as he read it
because he was so
proud
of me...
that was the best part of the day.

it is scary
putting yourself out there.
{thoughts of who do you think you are
what is so special about what you do...
in fact, anyone can do what you do...run
rampant through your head}
but i am happy that i gave myself that push
and tried the paintings this time,
talked about the possibility {and the real fear}i have of
wanting to write someday...
i'm glad i pushed a little.

and i don't know if it's the warm weather or the fact that i'm feeling better
or the raging happiness
but something is driving me to get out there again
with the camera...it's been a long time since i have felt like this...
to get out and take pictures just-for-the-sake-of-taking-pictures again.

and i like it.