Tuesday, September 29, 2009

5 truths on a tuesday...


~i am struggling a little the last couple of weeks.
i have been sick...nothing serious but something
that definitely didn't make me happy...plus
headaches and fatigue...and feeling down...about me...
worried about some serious relationship stuff...
worried about a very close family member who i just
don't know how to help...sometimes i think i should
just let go...i can't fix everything...i can't control it,
i can't be with them 24 hours a day...i can't make
them feel the way i want them to feel...sometimes
i just feel so overwhelmed by it all...by the worry
and the decisions and the responsibility and the
choices and the lack of control and the way it is
constantly like this lately...i guess maybe my kids
are just hitting turbulent ages emotionally...but
i think i have to learn to let go some...
but what is the balance? where is the line between
letting go and disconnecting.

~i don't have 5 truths. i only have that one.
all of everything balled up in one jumbled paragraph
of poor grammar and run on sentences and truth.
somedays, i feel like i am just treading water...
just trying to keep from drowning...
to keep from going under.

~i guess i have one other. no one else knows this.
no one else knows that i am feeling like this right now.
i have this side of me that refuses to let myself
talk about stuff like this out loud...i just can't.
i can't form the words.
i can write them...i can type them...but i can't
admit them out loud. that things are not always
great. that sometimes, things really suck.
{but never out loud. }

6 comments:

elk said...

I hope it helped to get this typed out...life really can be a struggle sometimes...I agree. Sorry that is is for you right now, I am at a loss for words as well that do not sound trite... but I do care ((hug))Elk

your images are light and soulful

Micheline said...

Yup. Sometimes things just really suck. Thank goodness it's not like that all the time. All I can offer is a virtual hug and the knowledge that everyone feels that way every now and again (even those who don't say it out loud).

Kim Living Life said...

I felt like I was reading something I had written about myself over the last few months. We lost our first grandson at 7 weeks of age 14 weeks ago and the struggle to just walk through the day has sometimes been unbearable. Not having the words or the ability to take away the pain and bringcomfort to our beautiful strong daughter and her wonderful husband has been worse. But my friend it does get better. Our children are just gifts to us and I know you want to stop any pain but thru the pain we grow. Hard I know.

Nat said...

I have a cold, I saw it coming when The Man got sick.

God, I'm too busy to be sick. But I wanted to say, that learning to live and let live is one of the hardest things. It would be nice to make the decision for them and take control -- but wee can't and we don't.

Hugs.

daisies said...

hope you are feeling better honey, xo

spread your wings said...

i've had much the same feeling of late, sometimes so much that it scares me and i too am afraid to voice it aloud. i know it will get better but when you're in the middle of it it's so hard.

i'm reading this late so I hope that things are looking up for you now.
I found that the thing about the " line between letting go and disconnecting" is getting better. I pulled away and she has drawn nearer again. it makes all the difference in my mood.