resolution...

yesterday
i wrote in my journal before the kids got here
and before my kids woke up
and i made a strong resolution
to
not be cranky
today.

i wrote in my to-do list
to be conscious and calm...
its not that i am cranky with the children i look after
but i want to make myself
aware
that i am being very snarky, snappy, cranky and short
with my own kids and husband when i know--
its not them that has cried all day, threw toys
and ripped paint off the walls
so i tried to be aware of that
and also, to separate myself from the
constant crying and screaming that one child does...
to just take a breath, walk away, let it go,
ignore it...

and it wasn't easy but it worked pretty well.

i also have decided i need to do things to relax me
after all the kids are gone...
so i went to the dollar store and bought some cool
placemats and towels that i would like to
try and i emphasize try heehee
to make into an apron
:)
and then i walked home and had a long hot candlelit bath
and the whole day,
i kinda felt like me again...i kinda
even liked who me was...