Thursday, April 21, 2005

eulogy of a yellow house

they have torn down
every building
in which you exsist
for me...

i stood on the sidewalk
of 63 russell street
in stunned loss and dismay...
it was gone
all that stood in its place
was a plot of ground
bare
open
gone...

like an idiot
i looked all around
crazily
absurdly
trying to get my bearings
my moorings
and
then i burst into tears
on the sidewalk
right in front of the where the front step was
where we were sometimes allowed to play

all of my memories of summer
invariably come back to that house
the way the sun comes through the leaves of the trees
the smell of hot black pavement
mixed with fresh cut grass
and the sound of people in other yards in other houses on other streets
penny candy
the first cake i baked on my own
the first time i found out what certain bad words meant
how i learned that big cars that run like they are on air
make me carsick...

how can that be
that you have been gone
from me
for this long...

8 comments:

Butterfly said...

Oh man, I had a yellow house too. And we had penny candy! What the hell happened to penny candy?!?

Chickadee said...

I'm kinda gettin' weepy here.....
not a house for me though, it was a park. :(

gkgirl said...

butterfly...there is still penny candy, only now it cost at least a quarter :)

chickadee...well at least you would be crying in front of the computer instead of out on the street as i did...heh heh...it was my grandparents house and i was literally stunned...funny how that happens when you least expect it

Marilyn said...

Here via Tangled Wings... I can only imagine the shock and hurt you must have felt. I would be CRUSHED if my grandparents house disappeared. There's an OLD family house that's abandoned and boarded over now...my great-grandparents raised 7 children in that tiny house...my family hasn't owned it in decades. Every time I go home for a visit and we drive by it, my mate always says that we in my family have GOT to buy it before someone tears it down. Because I'd probably feel much the same way you did here.

jessabean said...

I'm so sorry about your loss!

When I was young, my dad would comment about how much his childhood home had changed, how the trees had been cut down, how the houses he remembered weren't there anymore.

Now that I'm a little older, it's starting to happen to me, too, and I see how truly heartbreaking it is. I hope I never have to see my grandpa's house disappear.

jenica said...

my extended family has never lived somewhere long enough to have that homestead feeling. it's something that i've always wanted though. a place of safety to come home to.

i think that this is written in such a lovely and emotion evoking way. thank you.

Jamie said...

This poem made me cry. I guess I have my own version of the yellow house. I'm sorry that you lost yours.

luzie said...

my heart hurts for you and your loss. :( i would be heartbroken if my grandparents' house- the lake house that i love so much and that is connected to so many beautiful and precious childhood memories- disappeared. you put your feelings into words so eloquently, i'm so glad you shared this on tangled wings.