Saturday, March 01, 2014

the orange float


thursday was a funny day.

i was supposed to meet a client at a local coffee shop
to deliver her wedding photo discs
at 7 pm.

i got home from work at 3:30
and thought i would play a quick game of candy crush
(sideline::is there any such thing as a QUICK game of candy crush? who am i trying to fool)
as i was playing, i started to get the feeling that the bottom
corner of the screen was funny, like i couldn't see it right...
i looked away from the game and noticed a bit of a spot
in my vision, passed it off thinking i must have looked at something bright
but then, seconds later, did not look at something bright.
please don't let this be a migraine aura.
please don't let this be a migraine aura.
which, of course, it was.
i quickly got some medication
fumbling with the cap because, by this time,
my vision was becoming really distorted
and then i went to bed and tried to breathe calmly
and remember what the doctor told me to do...
"just relax and enjoy the light show".
not so easy to do.

and then i got the headache.

luckily, it did not last as long as i feared
and i was ready to meet the client at 7:30.
i rush to the coffee shop and as i pull up,
i notice what looks like a gang of old-timers standing around
out front...
a girl with a nest of hair piled high up on top of her head,
wearing pajama pants tucked into her winter boots
is stomping around
someone give me an effing cigarette.
and i start to think that location may have been a bad choice.

i go inside and the place is packed...with more old timers
and more people in pajama pants and winter boots...
it is loud and chaotic and, maybe it is the headache medication
and remnants of the migraine, but i start to feel a little
twilight zone-ish...i come to this coffee shop all the time,
it is never like this.

my client messages and tells me she is running a few minutes late.
it's ok, i tell her...there are lots of entertaining characters around tonight.
then i regret the message, thinking she is not going to know what i'm talking about.

she comes in and i give her the discs.
she gets ready to leave but there are two men
in between the two doors she needs to go through to get out.
she looks back at me with a helpless look
while one old guy calls out
"g'wan out, dear!  they're just wrasslin'!  they won't hurtcha!"
meanwhile, one man has the other in a chokehold.

she gets out and i send her a quick message
"my message about entertaining characters probably makes a lot more sense now, heheh"

i decide to order a coffee to go...
one of the children of the pajama clad party
orders after me...his mother comes over to see what he's doing...
i am about to smile at him
when he looks at his mother and says,
"if he ever brings my fucking coffee..."
i blink.
he's like 10.
his mother says " he comes now with your order" in an sing-song way...
the clerk is actually bringing me my coffee.
i avoid eye contact with angry child and hurry out to my car.

i have one more stop to make.
i have been instructed by the family at home to pick up 4 orders of fries from wendy's.
being the thoughtful wife that i am, i think i will get my husband a float...
he loves them.
the following conversation then occurs and i become certain that i AM in the twilight zone:
me:  do you have orange floats?
her:  yeah, they're not on the menu but we can still make 'em.  what kind d'ya want?
me:  an orange float
her:  what size?
me:  large
her:  what kind of pop do you want?
me:  (a little taken aback but not much)  oh...i'll have orange
her:  yeah...but what kind of pop do you want?
me:  (perplexed)  um...i'll have orange
her:  ok....but what kind of pop do you want?
me:  (at this point i start wondering if i am being i missing something here?  i am ordering an orange float...where could the problem be?  i even start to think that maybe i have ordered combos instead of just fries and she thinks i want pop with them...)  do you mean for in the float? i ask
her:  y-eah (starting to get snarky with me...really?  with me?), you can have any kind of pop you want in it
me:  (at this point, i start to's so odd that it's become ridiculous and because i don't know what else i am supposed to do/say at this point) ummmm...but an orange float would just be orange pop and vanilla ice cream, right?  (i'm starting to second guess myself at this point...maybe it's made with orange ice cream and maybe you CAN put any kind of pop you want in it)
her:  uh...y-eah (this is said in the tone that also implies "you dumbass")
me:  i'll have orange pop then.

was a weird, weird day.

i should also mention here that then she rang the order in wrong and
said she always had trouble ringing in the floats but luckily tim (who looked
like he was about 6) was working and he knew how to do it.

and tim pipes up loudly to say " is pr-et-ty sim-ple"


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