Tuesday, September 25, 2007

revelation

a couple of weeks ago
i went through a thing.
i felt lost
and unlikeable
by everyone except my family...
misunderstood
fake
not being the real me
and yet still not fitting in...

a lot of this stemmed from
an uncomfortable feeling at my son's school,
a feeling of never being able to fit into the
"clique"
no matter how hard i volunteer.

but that was last week.

this week, i don't seem to care so much.
not at all really.

right now,
today,
i am liking who i am.

i like that my hair reminds me
of awesome eighties hair,
(things like heathers, winona ryder and bobs come to mind)
and i have been styling it like so...
the more uneven and choppy looking it is,
the more i like it.
and random bobby pins...
i like that, too.

i bought clothes yesterday that i would have bought
before
but not lately because i have been
trying to dress more
business casual...
more conservative...
well.
whatever.

i don't know why i thought something would change
and make me fit into this town...
i have never fit into this town.
it is almost like my adult self is giving it another shot...
i didn't fit in as an adolescent,
so lets try as an adult
and see what happens.

well.
the hell with it.

i will wear what i want to wear.
like what i want to like.
knit, paint, draw, write,
stand in the middle of my conservative street
and take pictures of the sunrise
if i damn well feel like it.

and i will encourage my kids to
get up with me
and grab
their imaginations.




6 comments:

deirdre said...

"stand in the middle of my conservative street
and take pictures of the sunrise
if i damn well feel like it" - My feelings exactly.

daisies said...

what a perfect revelation honey ~ i think i have discovered that i am most comfortable not fitting in because i never did in my small town. even here in my large city, there are only pockets of comfortable and that is only when i am just being me and chucking the convention of what i am SUPPOSED to be ~ at the end of the day, i am just supposed to be me :)

fitting in is overrated i think .. xoxoxox

daisies said...

p.s. your hair is super cute i think :)

Deb R said...

Good for you!!! (I feel the same way about this town.)
I love your hair - so cute!

Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

listen to that empowerment! you go girl! i'm cheering for you!

ps--super cute hair!

m. heart said...

boy do i know THAT feeling!

thanks for visiting my blog,
a fellow clockwork orange