Tuesday, November 21, 2006

in which i remember...

so i was reading this,
which prompted this memory...

about six years ago, my husband
was late getting home from work
and i was getting worried and frustrated
and annoyed and all those good things...
a little late turned into a lot late
with no phone call and i was starting to get
really worried/agitated...

i put the kids to bed (they were about one and four, or so)
and called 411 (which is the information here)
to find the number of a friend of my husband...
the conversation went like this:

them: 911 please state your emergency
me: yeah, i'm looking for a number for blah blah
them: 911 please state your emergency
me: right... i need a number for blah blah blah
them: (much more insistent) 911 please. state. your. emergency.

(pause as i digest this new and vital information)

me: oh my god...oh jeez...oh my god...oh no...oh god etc
them: 911 please state your EMERGENCY
me: god, no. i meant to dial 411, i dialed this by accident, i'm
such an idiot, blah blah blah
them: not a problem, what is your address?
me: my address?
them: your address.
me: blah blah blah street.
them: the police will be there momentarily
me: but...but...but...they're still coming?
them: they have to

about 10 to 15 minutes later, a police van pulls up to my house
and two cops come out in what can only be described in my
heightened sense of exxageration as full riot gear.

(just so you can get the full effect, imagine the house
in pitch black, which it was, and me holding our
barking snarling mongrel of a dog back, because i

the cops come in and ask if everything is ok...
i try to explain how i made a mistake, everything is fine,
blah blah blah...

they ask if i am alone.
i say yes.
meanwhile seven (one at the time) starts
calling "mom! mom!"
the cops look puzzled, "i thought you said you were alone"
"yeah, i wasn't counting the kids as people"

sidenote: could i have said anything STUPIDER at that point?

so the cops nod slowly and look at each other
and seven-then-one takes this opportune moment
to yell "help, mom! help! help!"

at this point, i feel utterly defeated.

the cops look at me questioningly
and i try to explain that he yells that when
he wants out of the crib, he can't get out on his
own, hence the fact that he yells "help"

they ask if they can go check and make sure...
to which i shake my head yes with so much
enthusiasm and vigor that i make myself
just a little dizzy...

he checks on the kids, they are fine.
i am fine. we are all fine.

except my husband, who had too much to drink
and forgot to phone home....things were not
"fine" again for him for some time after.


and that is my 911 story.


blackdaisies said...

wow ... am definitely going to pay very close attention the next time i dial 411 ...

what a story : ) thanks for sharing!

twitches said...

I once called 911 while housesitting because I didn't know that the family dog had a bad habit of sneaking out of the backyard and coming around to the front porch and scratching on the door.

la vie en rose said...

oh girl, this is by far one of the best stories i've ever read...it's almost to unbelievable to be true. how hilarious!

Jessie said...

hahaha! oh, i'm laughing out loud. you painted a vivid picture. ha! i won't even tell you about the time i got lost out in the fog on the lake in a kayak and my mom called search and rescue. aahh! i'm still embarrassed about that one!

great story, gkgirl. now stay out of trouble! ha!

deirdre said...

Oh, I can well imagine the horrified embarrassment of it all. My cat scared the heck out of me one night and my scream prompted a neighbor to call the police, who in turn wanted to look around to make sure all was well. I felt like a big ol' idiot.

Bohemian Girl said...

OMG...this was classic!!

seriously...this could have been on a sitcom.

i love your sense of humor.


krista said...

Oh my god. That is hilarious.

You know, the funny thing that happened to me today. The same cop that showed up at my door yesterday, showed up at my work today to receive training from my coworker.

As soon as I saw him my cheeks went bright red.

Life has a sense of humour doesn't it?

Deb R said...

Ok, the line about not counting the kids as people made me literally laugh out loud. How awful at the time, but what a great story now!! :-D

Anonymous said...

You must have been mortified! Glad you can laugh (almost) about it now. :)

♥ joleen ♥ said...


moki said...

That is absoluetly HORRIBLE! AT the beginning of the story, I thought I might ba able to relate with one of mine...but no...

liz elayne said...

oh dear...this is priceless...i am giggling away over here on the other side of the continent...