grade one...

how alike we are.

i brought you in the class room and you were
as happy as could be
calling out colors
finding your name
sitting in your seat
and talking non-stop
until you realized
that i couldn't stay
that i would have to leave
and that for the first time
in at least two years
you were going to be without me...
and i
without you...
and i think it hit us both
smack dab in the stomach
at the same time
because as your eyes filled with tears
my stomach tied itself into knots
and i nearly
came undone...

but after a few deep breaths
and brave hearty assurances of
"you will be fine"
and
"have a great day big guy"
i walked out of the class not bearing to look back
at your little body
hunched over the desk
sad eyes
and spiky hair....

and then i cried in the office
while waiting to pay for your school supplies
and i cried in the yard
while putting the child i look after into the stroller
and i cried while walking home..
and as i type this...

funny how this
takes away the sting of
the ten year old
backing subtly away from a kiss
in front of her friends
and dismissing me from
coming to her class with her
choosing to explore it with her friends
instead...

this is going to be a long day.