reason #52 why i'm 35 and licenseless...

so
yesterday my husband and i
went for a bike ride...

a little history here...
i have never been really really athletic
nor have i been a big rider of bikes...
when i was kid
i had a bike
and i rode it
but we lived in the country
where pretty much the only rule was get on the grass if a car is coming...
i doubled once with my older neighbor on her ten speed
and stupidly (albeit accidentally) stuck my foot in the spokes
of the front wheel causing the bike and, subsequently, both of us
to flip head over heels...
i was awarded a very nasty huge purple blue bruise on my hip
for that one.

while driving my own ten speed
and carrying a handful of 45 records (heh heh)
i tried to brake to no avail
when coming around the "dead man's turn" that our
driveway is located on
and couldn't stop...or slow down...
(my brothers still refuse to admit that someone messed with those brakes)
i completely missed the driveway
and became air-borne as i flew into the water-filled ditch...
while i lay bleeding in gross, disgusting, leaf-sodden water
with my bike chain wrapped around my leg
my father came to my assistance...
well...
he would have...
if he would have stopped laughing.

but i bet he felt bad when he realized i was
bleeding...bleeding from an injury, i was hurt
(and when my mom shot him a dirty-how-could-
you-stand-there-laughing-at-our-broken-traumatized-
brave-but-not-athletic-bleeding-daughter)

so...
like i was saying
yesterday
my husband and i went for a bike ride...
i have been riding in town for a couple of years now
and although i have had a few minor mishaps
(like the time i was on the sidewalk between a parked car
and a building and there was a man coming towards me
and i panicked-shouldistop?shouldislowdown? whatshouldido???
so i ran into the building and scraped my arm)
anyhow...
my husband is a biking fool really
and is zigzagging in and out of places
and is way ahead of me
and i'm trying to keep up
and i nearly hit that kid
(well, get him out the way then for christssakes)
and then that dog walked in front of me
and then
my husband crossed a busy street
NOT at a crosswalk and i panicked again
what do i do?
do i cross?
do i wait?
do i go up further and try there?
what do i do what do i do what do i do
so i crossed
and nearly got hit by a car
and the man did this big "throwing-up-of-the-arms"
and the mouthing of the "what-the-fuck"
as i stood there on my bike in front of him
trying my 35-year-old hardest
not to burst into tears....

and that, fellow readers...
is why i do not have a drivers licence